Self-Esteem Matters
Why Is Self-Esteem So Important?
Self-esteem impacts your decision-making process, your relationships, your emotional health, and your overall well-being. It also influences motivation as individuals with a healthy, positive view of themselves understand their potential and may more easily feel inspired to take on new challenges.
Basically, your self-esteem is your vehicle to life. With healthy self-esteem you have smooth sailing down the highway. But with low or poor self-esteem, you may be driving the best and most expensive vehicle there is to own, but you are going to hit a lot of bumps along the way.
You may wear the most expensive clothes, have designer purses and buy the best makeup, drive the nicest car, live in the biggest house, be popular by having popular friends, go to the most upscale parties, send your kids to the best schools, and the list goes on. This is a wonderful life and you love it. But do you?
Are you pretending to be all and have all, but there's a little voice inside that says I'm a nothing, nobody and if anyone found out what I'm really like, who I really am, they won't like me and I would lose it all? Do you keep everyone, even those who are closest to you, at arm's length? Is there a sadness so deep inside of you that you know you must keep busy with or without purpose to keep from facing that sadness? Do you feel so alone at times you think you might drown in sorrow? Do you feel invisiable at times?
When your self-esteem is strong, you don’t stress about what others think. You accept yourself as you are, flaws and all, and believe you deserve good things. But sometimes, it’s hard to believe in yourself or feel like you’re enough. That’s totally normal. It's when you feel stressed out and afraid the truth will be found out that it is the problem. It's when you consistently doubt to be deserving of anything.
Everyone’s self-esteem has its ups and downs. In a world where social media and comparison is everywhere, having healthy self-esteem can be tough. Being conditioned to believe having it "all" is the only way to be "someone" in our society only adds to the sense of hopelessness many individual's feel for not being at the top of anyone's list.
Tony Robbins says, "Each of us has everything we need to succeed within ourselves if we can only learn to access and maximize it. So why do we choose to let our true capabilities go unrecognized? Perhaps we lack the drive to act or are too full of self-doubt to proceed." But the real question is, do you have to succeed at something to be happy? Isn't being with what you have enough? Is being content such a bad thing.
Knowing yourself is the best way to answer those questions. If you are "content" and still not happy, what is the problem? Conversely, if you have become "successfull" in your field, reached your goals, won awards, and yet you, too, are not happy, what does that say about success. If in either case you are experiencing low self-esteem, what should you do?
Looking at the scale above, the first thing you need to know is that you can NOT be on both sides of the scale at the same time. You are either on the right side of the scale, accept and love yourself, flaws and all, or you are on the left side of the scale, not especially liking your life so much.
Below are seven key characteristics of healthy self-esteem. An individual on the right side of the scale will experience these characteristics at different levels and at different times in their lives.
The characteristics are: 1. Individual has a firm understanding of her skills and sets realistic goals. 2. Individual has the ability to maintain healthy relationships with others as a result of having a healthy relationship with herself. 3. Individual has realistic and appropriate personal expectations. 4. Individual has an understanding of her own needs, and the ability to express and meet those needs effectively. 5. Individual is confident in her ability to make decisions. 6. Individual communicates assertively. 7. Individual can handle criticism. However, no matter how strong an individual's self-esteem is, no matter how happy she may be, these characteristics can change, sometimes in an instant and without warning when a trauma occurs. For instance, an individual is in a car accident and loses a limb. Or she may have lost her home and all of her possessions due to a fire. A parent or sibling or best friend may have died tragically. The divorce may have occured and now she has an abusive or uncaring step parent. A parent she loved and adored and with whom she trusted and always felt safe, began sexually abusing her. A life of truly enjoying a journey of happiness was tragically interrupted when one night she was beaten and raped on her way home from work. There are many, many instances that can change an inividual's life unexpectly. Her life can go from being nearly perfect to a nightmare. If she has healthy self-esteem, she may get through this tragedy with a few bumps and briuses (metaphor), take control, and work her way out of the negative or bad feelings she is experiencing because of the trauma. She may push forward and face the new challenges no matter how difficult they may be. But it can go the other way entirely, especially if she blames herself for any part of what happened. It doesn't have to be blame or shame that can throw her from loving herself and her life (right side of the scale) to hating herself and wishing she were dead (the left side). If a sudden trauma occurred, she may fall apart or be so angry because of the trauma that she takes it out on everyone around her. The hatred she directs at everyone else is minor compared to pounding messages in her head. The rage she feels may be all-consuming and last for a lifetime. Or she may get it out of her system, take control of her life once again, comes up with solutions, and move on. Having self-esteem is about valuing your own thoughts and actions. This individual who faced trauma may have such strong self-esteem that she clearly knows her feelings, opinions, interests and goals count. After getting through the feelings associated with trauma, she forges ahead.
When an individual has healthy self-esteem, she usually feels confident and ready to take on the world. She feels good about herself at both a conscious and at a deeper, subconscious level. Good feelings reside in her soul. Joy and laughter are a natural part of her life. Elements of Positive Self-Esteem Your level of Self-Esteem is your sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes.
Having healthy self-esteem can influence your motivation, your mental well-being, and your overall quality of life. However, having self-esteem that is either too high or too low can be problematic. Better understanding what your unique level of self-esteem is can help you strike a balance that is just right for you.
Here are just a few key elements of positive self-esteem include: • Self-respect • Feelings of security • Positive identity • Sense of belonging • Feeling of competence Other terms often used interchangeably with self-esteem include self-awareness, self-worth, self-confidence, self-image, self-love and self-acceptance.
Self-esteem tends to be lowest in childhood, but in the right enviroment, one with love and security, self-esteem increases during adolescence, as well as adulthood, eventually reaching a fairly stable and enduring level. Low Self-Esteem Individuals with low self-esteem tend to feel less sure of their abilities and may doubt their decision-making process. She may feel afraid and lack motivation to try novel things because she doesn't believe she can reach her goals. If she feels unloved or unworthy, and lacks confidence in herself, which many, if not most, individuals with low self-esteem do, she may have issues with relationships and expressing her needs to others. Individuals with what appears to be extremely high self-esteem may overestimate their skills and abilities. She may feel entitled to succeed. Even without abilities to back up her beliefs in herself, she is often very boastful and brags about herself a lot. Usually seeing herself as perfect, she may struggle with relationship issues and be unwilling to participate in any kind of self-improvement. After all, when you’re perfect what do you need to fix. Wearing those beautiful, expensive clothes, the best line of make-up, the most expensive perfumes, and and driving th mot expensive car is often a facade an individual with low self-esteem hides behind. Eventually, it will surface in ways that an individual may not be expecting or welcoming. Drugs and/or alchohol, the type of guy she chooses to date or marry, the inability to make friends or be a collector of friend--having many friends but no real, honest relationship with any of them. Pretending to be someone she is not is a common trait among individuals with low self-esteem. Trying to fit in where she clearly doesn't belong is another trait. She often mask her fear by bullying others, in childhood, as a teenager, even as an adult. She may be the one who puts down others and makes sure everyone is aware of the other individual's flaws, while hiding her own. An individual with low self-esteem have some very strong negative beliefs about herself. She holds onto negative experiences, memories, thoughts, and words that others say that sting a little (or a lot). Old messages and memories about herself and the world around her often become so embedded into her thinking patterns that they become her belief system that create a filter of how negatively she sees everything.
The characteristics are: 1. Individual has a firm understanding of her skills and sets realistic goals. 2. Individual has the ability to maintain healthy relationships with others as a result of having a healthy relationship with herself. 3. Individual has realistic and appropriate personal expectations. 4. Individual has an understanding of her own needs, and the ability to express and meet those needs effectively. 5. Individual is confident in her ability to make decisions. 6. Individual communicates assertively. 7. Individual can handle criticism. However, no matter how strong an individual's self-esteem is, no matter how happy she may be, these characteristics can change, sometimes in an instant and without warning when a trauma occurs. For instance, an individual is in a car accident and loses a limb. Or she may have lost her home and all of her possessions due to a fire. A parent or sibling or best friend may have died tragically. The divorce may have occured and now she has an abusive or uncaring step parent. A parent she loved and adored and with whom she trusted and always felt safe, began sexually abusing her. A life of truly enjoying a journey of happiness was tragically interrupted when one night she was beaten and raped on her way home from work. There are many, many instances that can change an inividual's life unexpectly. Her life can go from being nearly perfect to a nightmare. If she has healthy self-esteem, she may get through this tragedy with a few bumps and briuses (metaphor), take control, and work her way out of the negative or bad feelings she is experiencing because of the trauma. She may push forward and face the new challenges no matter how difficult they may be. But it can go the other way entirely, especially if she blames herself for any part of what happened. It doesn't have to be blame or shame that can throw her from loving herself and her life (right side of the scale) to hating herself and wishing she were dead (the left side). If a sudden trauma occurred, she may fall apart or be so angry because of the trauma that she takes it out on everyone around her. The hatred she directs at everyone else is minor compared to pounding messages in her head. The rage she feels may be all-consuming and last for a lifetime. Or she may get it out of her system, take control of her life once again, comes up with solutions, and move on. Having self-esteem is about valuing your own thoughts and actions. This individual who faced trauma may have such strong self-esteem that she clearly knows her feelings, opinions, interests and goals count. After getting through the feelings associated with trauma, she forges ahead.
When an individual has healthy self-esteem, she usually feels confident and ready to take on the world. She feels good about herself at both a conscious and at a deeper, subconscious level. Good feelings reside in her soul. Joy and laughter are a natural part of her life. Elements of Positive Self-Esteem Your level of Self-Esteem is your sense of overall personal worth or value. Similar to self-respect, it describes your level of confidence in your abilities and attributes.
Having healthy self-esteem can influence your motivation, your mental well-being, and your overall quality of life. However, having self-esteem that is either too high or too low can be problematic. Better understanding what your unique level of self-esteem is can help you strike a balance that is just right for you.
Here are just a few key elements of positive self-esteem include: • Self-respect • Feelings of security • Positive identity • Sense of belonging • Feeling of competence Other terms often used interchangeably with self-esteem include self-awareness, self-worth, self-confidence, self-image, self-love and self-acceptance.
Self-esteem tends to be lowest in childhood, but in the right enviroment, one with love and security, self-esteem increases during adolescence, as well as adulthood, eventually reaching a fairly stable and enduring level. Low Self-Esteem Individuals with low self-esteem tend to feel less sure of their abilities and may doubt their decision-making process. She may feel afraid and lack motivation to try novel things because she doesn't believe she can reach her goals. If she feels unloved or unworthy, and lacks confidence in herself, which many, if not most, individuals with low self-esteem do, she may have issues with relationships and expressing her needs to others. Individuals with what appears to be extremely high self-esteem may overestimate their skills and abilities. She may feel entitled to succeed. Even without abilities to back up her beliefs in herself, she is often very boastful and brags about herself a lot. Usually seeing herself as perfect, she may struggle with relationship issues and be unwilling to participate in any kind of self-improvement. After all, when you’re perfect what do you need to fix. Wearing those beautiful, expensive clothes, the best line of make-up, the most expensive perfumes, and and driving th mot expensive car is often a facade an individual with low self-esteem hides behind. Eventually, it will surface in ways that an individual may not be expecting or welcoming. Drugs and/or alchohol, the type of guy she chooses to date or marry, the inability to make friends or be a collector of friend--having many friends but no real, honest relationship with any of them. Pretending to be someone she is not is a common trait among individuals with low self-esteem. Trying to fit in where she clearly doesn't belong is another trait. She often mask her fear by bullying others, in childhood, as a teenager, even as an adult. She may be the one who puts down others and makes sure everyone is aware of the other individual's flaws, while hiding her own. An individual with low self-esteem have some very strong negative beliefs about herself. She holds onto negative experiences, memories, thoughts, and words that others say that sting a little (or a lot). Old messages and memories about herself and the world around her often become so embedded into her thinking patterns that they become her belief system that create a filter of how negatively she sees everything.
Having grown up as an orphan myself, abused and sexually abuse throughout my childhood, my self-esteem was very low. I never attemped suicide as my sister, growing up in the same household, did, but I did ask God many nights to "please don't let me wake up in the morning".
My self-esteem was at it's lowest point as a teenager. I was shame based, consumed with guilt, hypervigilant, confused and angry. Knowing, and then being reminded frequently, that my own mother didn't want me, put the wheels of self-destruction in motion. Afterall, what kind of person are you if your own mother doesn't even want you?
To add to that, being knocked around, hit, whipped with the belt, then sexually abused on a regular basis -- a little more than occassionally until I was 12 years old, and then as much as 4-5 nights a week throughout my teens -- made me feel like I was someone's trash. That feeling was there when I woke up in the morning and there when I went to sleep at night.
I knew I had low self-esteem. It was just a matter of what I was going to do about it. After moving halfway across the country, I started over. The goal I set for myself was to help other girls and women who had self-esteem issues. Having had the opportunity to go to college and also get a CADAC certification put me on the road to reaching that goal.
But there was still a missing piece. My own self-esteem. Sure, I was feeling great since I was beginning to get closer to my goal, but I had some issues to work out. Not only did I have to examine my process so far, I needed to do something Grandpa (my foster mother's dad who lived next door) once told me to do. "If you need to learn something, teach it to someone else. That way you get a benefit and so does the other person."
So, I began teaching. This is what I learned and passed on: Perceptions of self and the world are distorted. Negative core beliefs and negative thought processes not only contribute to a poor view of herself and her abilities, it may be the root cause of it. If those negative feelings last for an extended period of time, she may need to learn how to build her self-esteem one step at a time. Then I began developing programs. I teach classes for learning about self and others. The first two series of classes are very important in this process. Barriers to Self-Esteem supports an individual in learning what caused the low self-esteem in the first place and Building Self-Esteem, is just that. It teaches you, step by step, how to build yourself, starting with a new belief system. These two series of classes are very powerful and have helped hundreds of women. Even women who thought their self-esteem was clearly intact, were surprised by how much they didn’t know about their own self-esteem until they took the classes. Usually, they came along with a friend who didn’t want to take the class alone. But the subconscious is a powerful thing. It usually sits us right where we need to be. I know these classes work because at age 25, I was at my lowest point, seeing no way out. This is the process I created and used to build a life worth living. A wonderful life. It is not without ups and downs, sometimes very calm, sometimes with drama. At times it is full of discontent and a need for change. It took work, self-reflection, and breaking through thick walls of denial to get to where I am today. But I got here. To a place of taking control of my life and making good choices for myself. The programs I developed were not systematic at first. I didn't just wake up one morning with answers. I had been teaching classes for more than a year when someone asked me how I got from where I had been emotionally and with very low self-esteem to feeling good about myself. I had to think about it, write every down on paper, and then put it in the order in which it helped me. Fortunately, it has helped other girls and women along the way. One of the most important things I learned since is that we are changing continuously, therefore, working on myself is continuous. “The change of life” that many adults refer to is not a mere 35 years old for women and 40 for men. Change of life starts as a child and is continuous throughout life. We are fragil and it doesn't take much for many individuals, including myself, to push back on change. And when I do, I feel a drop in my self-esteem. Life is a process. For me, change is inevitable, welcomed and accepted. I hope it is for you, too. continue
My self-esteem was at it's lowest point as a teenager. I was shame based, consumed with guilt, hypervigilant, confused and angry. Knowing, and then being reminded frequently, that my own mother didn't want me, put the wheels of self-destruction in motion. Afterall, what kind of person are you if your own mother doesn't even want you?
To add to that, being knocked around, hit, whipped with the belt, then sexually abused on a regular basis -- a little more than occassionally until I was 12 years old, and then as much as 4-5 nights a week throughout my teens -- made me feel like I was someone's trash. That feeling was there when I woke up in the morning and there when I went to sleep at night.
I knew I had low self-esteem. It was just a matter of what I was going to do about it. After moving halfway across the country, I started over. The goal I set for myself was to help other girls and women who had self-esteem issues. Having had the opportunity to go to college and also get a CADAC certification put me on the road to reaching that goal.
But there was still a missing piece. My own self-esteem. Sure, I was feeling great since I was beginning to get closer to my goal, but I had some issues to work out. Not only did I have to examine my process so far, I needed to do something Grandpa (my foster mother's dad who lived next door) once told me to do. "If you need to learn something, teach it to someone else. That way you get a benefit and so does the other person."
So, I began teaching. This is what I learned and passed on: Perceptions of self and the world are distorted. Negative core beliefs and negative thought processes not only contribute to a poor view of herself and her abilities, it may be the root cause of it. If those negative feelings last for an extended period of time, she may need to learn how to build her self-esteem one step at a time. Then I began developing programs. I teach classes for learning about self and others. The first two series of classes are very important in this process. Barriers to Self-Esteem supports an individual in learning what caused the low self-esteem in the first place and Building Self-Esteem, is just that. It teaches you, step by step, how to build yourself, starting with a new belief system. These two series of classes are very powerful and have helped hundreds of women. Even women who thought their self-esteem was clearly intact, were surprised by how much they didn’t know about their own self-esteem until they took the classes. Usually, they came along with a friend who didn’t want to take the class alone. But the subconscious is a powerful thing. It usually sits us right where we need to be. I know these classes work because at age 25, I was at my lowest point, seeing no way out. This is the process I created and used to build a life worth living. A wonderful life. It is not without ups and downs, sometimes very calm, sometimes with drama. At times it is full of discontent and a need for change. It took work, self-reflection, and breaking through thick walls of denial to get to where I am today. But I got here. To a place of taking control of my life and making good choices for myself. The programs I developed were not systematic at first. I didn't just wake up one morning with answers. I had been teaching classes for more than a year when someone asked me how I got from where I had been emotionally and with very low self-esteem to feeling good about myself. I had to think about it, write every down on paper, and then put it in the order in which it helped me. Fortunately, it has helped other girls and women along the way. One of the most important things I learned since is that we are changing continuously, therefore, working on myself is continuous. “The change of life” that many adults refer to is not a mere 35 years old for women and 40 for men. Change of life starts as a child and is continuous throughout life. We are fragil and it doesn't take much for many individuals, including myself, to push back on change. And when I do, I feel a drop in my self-esteem. Life is a process. For me, change is inevitable, welcomed and accepted. I hope it is for you, too. continue