9 Steps to Building Self-Discipline
If you are looking to take control of your habits and choices, here are nine powerful things you can do to master your self-discipline. This is necessary for a happier, more fulfilling life. Learn self-discipline and gain willpower over your thoughts, actions and behaviors. 1) Know your strengths and weaknesses. We all have weaknesses. Whether it’s a desire for drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, codependency, obsession over food, sex, social media, anger, etc. Weaknesses don’t just come in the form of areas where we lack self-control either. We all have our strong points and areas where we’re not so good. For example, I don’t like being on hold for an endless period of time, finding time to work out is an ongoing fight with myself, and cleaning house always seems like the end of the day is the best time to do it. I used to make excuses, ignore or avoid them altogether. Now, I handle them differently. Knowing these are my weaknesses (among many others), I set out to tackle them first thing in the morning, or I get someone else to do them, such as a weekly cleaning lady to do the heavy cleaning. Knowing yourself and being more self-aware is a powerful tool for pushing beyond your comfort zone, but it requires constant focus and acknowledging your shortcomings, whatever they may be. Too often people either try to pretend their vulnerabilities don’t exist or they succumb to them with a fixed mindset, throwing their hands up in defeat and saying, “Oh well, it’s not going to work for me.” Know your strengths, but more importantly, own up to your flaws. You can’t overcome them until you do. 2) Remove temptations. How many times have I said, “out of sight, out of mind.” But then I don’t follow through with the “out of sight” part. It may seem silly, but this phrase offers simple but powerful advice. By simply removing the biggest temptations from your environment, you will greatly improve your self-discipline. For me, it’s those evening-time sweets. I settled in for the night, I’m cozy with a good book or TV program, and then it happens. Inaudible words are calling out my name and telling me that just one piece of pie, or a couple of cookies won’t hurt my struggling weight loss. How could one cookie possibly cause me to gain back what I may have lost that day. Can I eat just one? The other thing I struggle with are the convenience of antique and other boutiques. There’s one just across the street from my house and even though I promised myself I would not spend money unnecessarily. But it’s a pretty day, warm outside, and I will just look. I can look without buying anything. Can’t I? Going out to lunch with the girls is sooo much fun. I love it. We catch up, give each advice, support one another, and share our latest joys in our lives. Can’t something that much fun and have so many rewards be okay? No! No! And NO! No #1: Get the sweets and other junk food out of the house and keep it out! If it interferes with the goal of losing weight, it goes! N #2: Don’t even think about walking across the street or getting into the car with no purpose. I will spend money unnecessarily. Even if it’s just a few dollars, it’s a few dollars’ worth of things I don’t need. If I needed something, really needed something, it probably wouldn’t be found in a boutique. No #3: Perfect! This one will interfere with three goals. Spending money needlessly, eating dessert, and using time I need to meet a deadline. None of these are not to say DON’T all of the time. In fact, that’s probably the worse thing you can do. If you deny yourself every pleasure you’ll either drive yourself crazy or become compulsive with what it is you’re denying yourself. The point is if you want to eat healthier, toss the junk food in the trash. Want to drink less? Throw out the booze. If you want to improve the management of your To-Do’s list, turn off social media and silence your cell phone. Prioritize and take action. The fewer distractions you have, the more focused you will be on reaching your goals. Set yourself up for success by ditching bad influences. 3) Set clear goals and have an action plan. If you hope to achieve greater degrees of self-discipline, you must have a clear vision of what you hope to accomplish, just like any goal. You must also have an understanding of what success means to you. After all, if you don’t know where you are going, it’s easy to lose your way or get sidetracked. Remember to prioritize. Start with just one or two goals. For instance, goal one might be to lose 3-5 pounds a week. Ask yourself if that’s attainable. What are you doing to lose those pounds? Does it require working out so many days a week? Are you limited as to what you can eat? If the answer is yes to both of those questions, I’m guessing not going to the gym and eating junk food and snacks are not going to help you reach your goal. Maybe you need an incentive. If I’ve gained a few pounds and want to lose the weight, I take something I really like a lot that I haven’t been able to wear because of the weight out of my closet and hanging on the front of the door where I am going to see it every time I go in or out of my bedroom. It is going to be staring at me at night when I’m in bed, and it will be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. This little visual aid is very helpful, but is it enough? A clear plan outlines each step you must take to reach your goals. Create a mantra to keep yourself focused. Successful people use this technique to stay on track, emotionally connect to their mission, and establish a clear finish line. Once you’ve clearly followed your plan and it has become a normal part of each day, try setting a second goal. 4) Practice, practice, practice. We aren’t born with self-discipline; it’s a learned behavior. And just like any other skill you want to master (building self-esteem, resolving conflict, creating a positive attitude, and so on, it requires daily practice and repetition. It must become habitual. But the effort and focus that self-discipline requires can be draining. As time passes, it can become more and more difficult to keep your willpower in check. The bigger the temptation or decision, the more challenging it can feel to tackle other tasks that also require self-control. January is a time when many individuals decide to turn over a new leaf, set goals, sometimes a lot of goals, then set out to accomplish them. One of those goals seems to be losing weight. Just ask anyone who sells gym memberships, diet pills, weight loss food programs, at home exercise equipment, and stores that sell workout clothes. The first week is good. Even the second. Then a month. Perfect. Then another week. Then starts the decline. First, it’s the number of days going to the gym, then it’s back to a few of the old snacks, and before they know it, they are no longer doing any of it. What went wrong? Lack of self-discipline. It may also be a strong lack of purpose for the goal in the first place. So, go back to your list of goals and get real about why you set the goal in the first place. If it’s for someone else, it will never work. For instance, if you want to lose weight so you’re more attractive to men, then 1) you’ll resent the hard work you put into reaching that goal, 2) you’ll resent who you’re trying to reach the goal for, and/or 3) you will gain all the weight back once you’ve got the guy. Once you answer why and you still want to reach that goal then…. Work on building your self-discipline through daily diligence in a given area associated with a goal. This goes back to step three. In order to practice daily diligence, you must have a plan. Put it on your calendar, your to-do list, tattoo it on the back of your eyelids - whatever works best for you. With practice, anyone can push the boundaries of their comfort zone every day. 5) Create new habits and rituals. Acquiring self-discipline and working to instill a new habit can feel daunting at first, especially if you focus on the entire task at hand. To avoid feeling intimidated, keep it simple. Break your goal into small, doable steps. Instead of trying to change everything at once, focus on doing one thing consistently and master self-discipline with that goal in mind. You've probably heard this saying, “Eat the elephant one bite at a time.” If you’re trying to get in shape but don’t exercise regularly (or ever), start by working out ten or fifteen minutes a day. If you’re trying to achieve better sleep habits, start by going to bed thirty minutes earlier each night. If you want to eat healthier, change your grocery shopping habits and prep meals ahead of time. Take baby steps. Eventually, when your mindset and behavior starts to shift, you can add more goals to your list. 6) Change your perception about willpower. If you believe you have a limited amount of willpower, you probably won’t surpass those limits. As I mentioned previously, studies show that willpower can deplete over time. But what about changing that perception? Most people who believe they probably won’t make it through reaching their goal won’t succeed. Why assume our will to win can only take us so far? When we embrace the mindset of unlimited willpower, we continue to grow, achieve more, and develop mental toughness. It’s the same philosophy as setting “stretch” goals. In short, our internal conceptions about willpower and self-control can determine how disciplined we are. If you can remove these subconscious obstacles and truly believe you can do it, then you will give yourself an extra boost of motivation toward making those goals a reality. (You may want to take the Barriers to Self-Esteem class.) 7) Give yourself a backup plan. With each new goal we should always have contingency plans. Psychologists use a technique to boost willpower called “implementation intention.” That’s when you give yourself a plan to deal with a potentially difficult situation you know you will likely face. For instance, it’s November and you go to your parents house every year for Thanksgiving. You’ve read all the articles and experienced how easy it is to gain 5-10 pounds in one holiday weekend. Knowing this, prepare your own food and take it with you. This way, you can still enjoy being with everyone without beating yourself up emotionally the whole time because you know you’re going to gain weight. Take care of you. So be bold and keep moving forward. Going in with a plan will help give you the mindset and self-control necessary for the situation. You will also save energy by not having to make a sudden decision based on your emotional state.
The development of expertise sometimes requires coaches who are capable of giving constructive, even painful, feedback. Real experts are extremely motivated students who seek out such feedback. They’re also skilled at understanding when and if a coach or mentor’s advice doesn’t work for them. The elite performers typically know what they are doing right while concentrating on what they are doing wrong. They deliberately picked unsentimental coaches who would challenge them and drive them to higher levels of performance. The best coaches also identify aspects of your performance that will need to be improved at your next level of skill and aid you in preparation. 8) Find trusted coaches or mentors. The development of expertise sometimes requires coaches who are capable of giving constructive, even painful, feedback. Real experts are extremely motivated students who seek out such feedback. They’re also skilled at understanding when and if a coach or mentor’s advice doesn’t work for them. The elite performers typically know what they are doing right while concentrating on what they are doing wrong. They deliberately picked unsentimental coaches who would challenge them and drive them to higher levels of performance. The best coaches also identify aspects of your performance that will need to be improved at your next level of skill and aid you in preparation.
9) Forgive yourself and move forward. Even with all our best intentions and well-laid plans, we sometimes fall short. It happens. You will have ups and downs, great successes and dismal failures. The key is to keep going. A friend of mine wanted to move out of state to a place that was warm and tropical. But it was going to take at least ten thousand dollars and she didn’t even have one thousand. Did she become discouraged before she even started and quit? No. She found a job that was going to let her work as many hours as she wanted with good pay. In less than six months she raised more than ten thousand dollars, moved, and is happier than she has ever been. If you stumble, find the root cause by asking the five WHY’s and move on. Don’t let yourself get wrapped up in guilt, anger, or frustration, because these emotions will only drag you further down and impede future progress. Learn from your missteps and forgive yourself. Then get your head back in the game and take action. Good luck!
If you are looking to take control of your habits and choices, here are nine powerful things you can do to master your self-discipline. This is necessary for a happier, more fulfilling life. Learn self-discipline and gain willpower over your thoughts, actions and behaviors. 1) Know your strengths and weaknesses. We all have weaknesses. Whether it’s a desire for drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, codependency, obsession over food, sex, social media, anger, etc. Weaknesses don’t just come in the form of areas where we lack self-control either. We all have our strong points and areas where we’re not so good. For example, I don’t like being on hold for an endless period of time, finding time to work out is an ongoing fight with myself, and cleaning house always seems like the end of the day is the best time to do it. I used to make excuses, ignore or avoid them altogether. Now, I handle them differently. Knowing these are my weaknesses (among many others), I set out to tackle them first thing in the morning, or I get someone else to do them, such as a weekly cleaning lady to do the heavy cleaning. Knowing yourself and being more self-aware is a powerful tool for pushing beyond your comfort zone, but it requires constant focus and acknowledging your shortcomings, whatever they may be. Too often people either try to pretend their vulnerabilities don’t exist or they succumb to them with a fixed mindset, throwing their hands up in defeat and saying, “Oh well, it’s not going to work for me.” Know your strengths, but more importantly, own up to your flaws. You can’t overcome them until you do. 2) Remove temptations. How many times have I said, “out of sight, out of mind.” But then I don’t follow through with the “out of sight” part. It may seem silly, but this phrase offers simple but powerful advice. By simply removing the biggest temptations from your environment, you will greatly improve your self-discipline. For me, it’s those evening-time sweets. I settled in for the night, I’m cozy with a good book or TV program, and then it happens. Inaudible words are calling out my name and telling me that just one piece of pie, or a couple of cookies won’t hurt my struggling weight loss. How could one cookie possibly cause me to gain back what I may have lost that day. Can I eat just one? The other thing I struggle with are the convenience of antique and other boutiques. There’s one just across the street from my house and even though I promised myself I would not spend money unnecessarily. But it’s a pretty day, warm outside, and I will just look. I can look without buying anything. Can’t I? Going out to lunch with the girls is sooo much fun. I love it. We catch up, give each advice, support one another, and share our latest joys in our lives. Can’t something that much fun and have so many rewards be okay? No! No! And NO! No #1: Get the sweets and other junk food out of the house and keep it out! If it interferes with the goal of losing weight, it goes! N #2: Don’t even think about walking across the street or getting into the car with no purpose. I will spend money unnecessarily. Even if it’s just a few dollars, it’s a few dollars’ worth of things I don’t need. If I needed something, really needed something, it probably wouldn’t be found in a boutique. No #3: Perfect! This one will interfere with three goals. Spending money needlessly, eating dessert, and using time I need to meet a deadline. None of these are not to say DON’T all of the time. In fact, that’s probably the worse thing you can do. If you deny yourself every pleasure you’ll either drive yourself crazy or become compulsive with what it is you’re denying yourself. The point is if you want to eat healthier, toss the junk food in the trash. Want to drink less? Throw out the booze. If you want to improve the management of your To-Do’s list, turn off social media and silence your cell phone. Prioritize and take action. The fewer distractions you have, the more focused you will be on reaching your goals. Set yourself up for success by ditching bad influences. 3) Set clear goals and have an action plan. If you hope to achieve greater degrees of self-discipline, you must have a clear vision of what you hope to accomplish, just like any goal. You must also have an understanding of what success means to you. After all, if you don’t know where you are going, it’s easy to lose your way or get sidetracked. Remember to prioritize. Start with just one or two goals. For instance, goal one might be to lose 3-5 pounds a week. Ask yourself if that’s attainable. What are you doing to lose those pounds? Does it require working out so many days a week? Are you limited as to what you can eat? If the answer is yes to both of those questions, I’m guessing not going to the gym and eating junk food and snacks are not going to help you reach your goal. Maybe you need an incentive. If I’ve gained a few pounds and want to lose the weight, I take something I really like a lot that I haven’t been able to wear because of the weight out of my closet and hanging on the front of the door where I am going to see it every time I go in or out of my bedroom. It is going to be staring at me at night when I’m in bed, and it will be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. This little visual aid is very helpful, but is it enough? A clear plan outlines each step you must take to reach your goals. Create a mantra to keep yourself focused. Successful people use this technique to stay on track, emotionally connect to their mission, and establish a clear finish line. Once you’ve clearly followed your plan and it has become a normal part of each day, try setting a second goal. 4) Practice, practice, practice. We aren’t born with self-discipline; it’s a learned behavior. And just like any other skill you want to master (building self-esteem, resolving conflict, creating a positive attitude, and so on, it requires daily practice and repetition. It must become habitual. But the effort and focus that self-discipline requires can be draining. As time passes, it can become more and more difficult to keep your willpower in check. The bigger the temptation or decision, the more challenging it can feel to tackle other tasks that also require self-control. January is a time when many individuals decide to turn over a new leaf, set goals, sometimes a lot of goals, then set out to accomplish them. One of those goals seems to be losing weight. Just ask anyone who sells gym memberships, diet pills, weight loss food programs, at home exercise equipment, and stores that sell workout clothes. The first week is good. Even the second. Then a month. Perfect. Then another week. Then starts the decline. First, it’s the number of days going to the gym, then it’s back to a few of the old snacks, and before they know it, they are no longer doing any of it. What went wrong? Lack of self-discipline. It may also be a strong lack of purpose for the goal in the first place. So, go back to your list of goals and get real about why you set the goal in the first place. If it’s for someone else, it will never work. For instance, if you want to lose weight so you’re more attractive to men, then 1) you’ll resent the hard work you put into reaching that goal, 2) you’ll resent who you’re trying to reach the goal for, and/or 3) you will gain all the weight back once you’ve got the guy. Once you answer why and you still want to reach that goal then…. Work on building your self-discipline through daily diligence in a given area associated with a goal. This goes back to step three. In order to practice daily diligence, you must have a plan. Put it on your calendar, your to-do list, tattoo it on the back of your eyelids - whatever works best for you. With practice, anyone can push the boundaries of their comfort zone every day. 5) Create new habits and rituals. Acquiring self-discipline and working to instill a new habit can feel daunting at first, especially if you focus on the entire task at hand. To avoid feeling intimidated, keep it simple. Break your goal into small, doable steps. Instead of trying to change everything at once, focus on doing one thing consistently and master self-discipline with that goal in mind. You've probably heard this saying, “Eat the elephant one bite at a time.” If you’re trying to get in shape but don’t exercise regularly (or ever), start by working out ten or fifteen minutes a day. If you’re trying to achieve better sleep habits, start by going to bed thirty minutes earlier each night. If you want to eat healthier, change your grocery shopping habits and prep meals ahead of time. Take baby steps. Eventually, when your mindset and behavior starts to shift, you can add more goals to your list. 6) Change your perception about willpower. If you believe you have a limited amount of willpower, you probably won’t surpass those limits. As I mentioned previously, studies show that willpower can deplete over time. But what about changing that perception? Most people who believe they probably won’t make it through reaching their goal won’t succeed. Why assume our will to win can only take us so far? When we embrace the mindset of unlimited willpower, we continue to grow, achieve more, and develop mental toughness. It’s the same philosophy as setting “stretch” goals. In short, our internal conceptions about willpower and self-control can determine how disciplined we are. If you can remove these subconscious obstacles and truly believe you can do it, then you will give yourself an extra boost of motivation toward making those goals a reality. (You may want to take the Barriers to Self-Esteem class.) 7) Give yourself a backup plan. With each new goal we should always have contingency plans. Psychologists use a technique to boost willpower called “implementation intention.” That’s when you give yourself a plan to deal with a potentially difficult situation you know you will likely face. For instance, it’s November and you go to your parents house every year for Thanksgiving. You’ve read all the articles and experienced how easy it is to gain 5-10 pounds in one holiday weekend. Knowing this, prepare your own food and take it with you. This way, you can still enjoy being with everyone without beating yourself up emotionally the whole time because you know you’re going to gain weight. Take care of you. So be bold and keep moving forward. Going in with a plan will help give you the mindset and self-control necessary for the situation. You will also save energy by not having to make a sudden decision based on your emotional state.
The development of expertise sometimes requires coaches who are capable of giving constructive, even painful, feedback. Real experts are extremely motivated students who seek out such feedback. They’re also skilled at understanding when and if a coach or mentor’s advice doesn’t work for them. The elite performers typically know what they are doing right while concentrating on what they are doing wrong. They deliberately picked unsentimental coaches who would challenge them and drive them to higher levels of performance. The best coaches also identify aspects of your performance that will need to be improved at your next level of skill and aid you in preparation. 8) Find trusted coaches or mentors. The development of expertise sometimes requires coaches who are capable of giving constructive, even painful, feedback. Real experts are extremely motivated students who seek out such feedback. They’re also skilled at understanding when and if a coach or mentor’s advice doesn’t work for them. The elite performers typically know what they are doing right while concentrating on what they are doing wrong. They deliberately picked unsentimental coaches who would challenge them and drive them to higher levels of performance. The best coaches also identify aspects of your performance that will need to be improved at your next level of skill and aid you in preparation.
9) Forgive yourself and move forward. Even with all our best intentions and well-laid plans, we sometimes fall short. It happens. You will have ups and downs, great successes and dismal failures. The key is to keep going. A friend of mine wanted to move out of state to a place that was warm and tropical. But it was going to take at least ten thousand dollars and she didn’t even have one thousand. Did she become discouraged before she even started and quit? No. She found a job that was going to let her work as many hours as she wanted with good pay. In less than six months she raised more than ten thousand dollars, moved, and is happier than she has ever been. If you stumble, find the root cause by asking the five WHY’s and move on. Don’t let yourself get wrapped up in guilt, anger, or frustration, because these emotions will only drag you further down and impede future progress. Learn from your missteps and forgive yourself. Then get your head back in the game and take action. Good luck!