Value of Support Groups
A support group is a gathering of individuals facing common issues to share what’s troubling them. Through the sharing of experiences, they’re able to offer support, encouragement, and comfort to the other group members, and receive the same in return.
When an individual is going through a challenging or traumatic time, family members and friends may sympathize, but they don’t always know what to say or the best ways to help. Doctors and health professionals may sometimes offer minor emotional support, but their primary focus is always medical.
Support groups were developed to bring individuals together who are dealing with similar difficult circumstances. That may be coping with a specific medical condition, such as cancer or dementia, an emotional health issue, like depression, anxiety, bereavement, or an addiction. Whatever issues you or a loved one are facing, though, the best medicine can often be the voice of individuals who have been there.
A support group offers a safe place where you can get information that’s practical, constructive, and helpful. You’ll have the benefit of expressing emotion, receiving encouragement, and learning more about coping with your issues through shared experiences. Hearing from others facing similar challenges can be a powerful experience because it can make you feel less alone in whatever is troubling you. In fact, there is almost nothing more powerful than hearing someone say, “I’ve been there.”
While it’s perfectly normal to feel anxious or apprehensive about joining a support group, it can help to dispel some of the common myths and misconceptions about these groups and how they operate.
Below are example so of myths and misperceptions about support groupsIn some circles, there’s still a stigma associated with mental/emotional health issues, which extends to attending support groups for those issues. Some individuals see reaching out to others as a sign of weakness, while others believe confiding in others is a waste of time and won’t achieve anything.
Other commonly held myths and misperceptions about support groups include:Myth: There aren’t any support groups in my area. Fact: There are tens of thousands of support groups nationally and globally, in-person and online. There’s one available for nearly every issue and condition. There are 12 Step programs in nearly all cities, which are free. Local therapists, churches, and some workplaces form support groups.
Myth: Support groups don’t have any answers. Fact: While it’s true they’re not a magic bullet for all your problems, you will get some answers—and a lot of support while working through a tough or sensitive issue. You may discover that listening to someone else share may be the exact thing you need to hear.
Myth: I will be required to share my story. Fact: In most groups, you can choose to speak (or not) when you feel comfortable doing so.
Myth: Other participants may attack or criticize me. Fact: A well-run support group sets boundaries and requires participants to show empathy and respect to each other. There is usually no cross-talking, meaning, when you say something no one responds directly to what you’ve said. For instance, if I shared, “my husband has a habit of beating on me nearly every night,” no one responds with telling you what you should or should not have done, such as, “you need to get out of that relationship.” However, a support group member may say, “I remember when my husband was doing that to me. I took it much longer than I should have, and eventually I got out of the relationship. I am so happy I did.” See the "I" statements. The same will be true for you. If you hear something you want to respond to you relate what the person said to you. Another for instance may be, "I'm dealing with self-esteem issues and I'm not sure where to start." Your response may be something like, "I remember when I was dealing with self-esteem issues a few years ago. I had to go back to the beginning and start with why I had low self-esteem in the first place." In a safely-run group there are no "you" statments, attacking, shaming, suggesting, or giving advice. There is only listening and, if you want to respond, sharing using "I" statements.
Myth: I’ll feel even more depressed after attending a support group. Fact: The simple act of sharing what’s going on with you can be extremely cathartic. So, most individuals feel uplifted and encouraged after attending a support group. Often knowing there is someone else dealing with issues can be a positive experience. How to choose a Support Group that is best for youDepending on your needs, you may decide to join one of three types of support groups—a mutual support group, a 12-Step self-help group, or a therapy group. Just remember that whatever support group you choose, it’s not a substitute for medical care. Mutual support groupsMutual support groups are peer-led groups. Facilitators receive training, but they don’t give advice or act as professionals. Participants in a mutual support group can be individuals dealing with a certain condition or circumstance, whether it’s a medical issue, domestic abuse, grief, or a mood disorder. Other support groups are designed to provide support for family members or friends of someone who is living with a difficult situation, such as cancer, alcoholism, etc. Group members share what’s working for them, and they inspire others to do the same. There’s usually no cost for mutual support groups. 12-step self-help groups12-step programs are typically geared toward those with an addiction, such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, codependency, or sex. During group meetings, participants work through the 12 Steps to Recovery created by Alcoholics Anonymous. Like mutual support groups, 12-step self-help groups are peer-led, free, and frequently offer separate groups for the loved ones of those with the addiction, such as Al-Anon/Alateen for those living with an alcoholic. Therapy groupsUnlike mutual support groups and 12-step programs, mental/emotional health providers lead therapy groups. A psychologist or therapist brings several individuals together who are living with similar circumstances and provides a safe place for sharing and learning. These groups are available for a wide variety of mental/emotional health conditions, such as abuse, sexual abuse, incest or rape issues, codependency, hoarding, and many other circumstances or situations. What I like about these groups is that they are issue-specific. Everyone in the group will be dealing with the same or similar situation as you. There may be a cost for a therapy group. Online support groups (See Services Offered)Like online therapy, online support groups can be a useful and convenient option to in-person meetings. They are a great alternative, if the distance is too far, transportation isn’t available, or your work or family schedule prevents you from attending an in-person support group. Online support groups can also work well for those who are dealing with a rare condition where your peers may be spread out across a wide area. Benefits of support groupsA support group is a safe place where you can talk about your emotions and circumstances with others who know how you feel and won’t judge or criticize you. It can also help you to: - Learn better coping strategies. As you go through challenging circumstances, you may need to learn new ways to cope. At a support group, you will learn coping skills from people who’ve found success using them first-hand. You might learn tips on meditating, journaling, or things you wouldn’t have otherwise considered. You might also pick up new ways to set healthy boundaries and function better. - Grow through shared experiences. A support group gives you opportunities to get things off your chest. Sharing your own experiences with the group can help ease your emotional burden and feelings of isolation. As others in the group share their stories, you can gain valuable insight about how others deal with similar situations. - Focus on self-care. Support group participants may offer up innovative ideas for how to care for yourself, manage stress, combat fatigue, and feel mentally, emotionally and physically stronger. - Maintain a sense of hope. Being around your fellow support group members can help boost your mood and sense of optimism, giving you the emotional reserves to realistically envision a better future. What to expect from a support groupEvery support group functions a little differently, so it’s not always easy to tell if a particular group will be a good fit for you. But there are some things to look for when evaluating your choices: Support groups have clear rules about who can attend. Depending on the group, it could be limited only to a specific gender, adults over 18, individuals dealing with a specific challenge (such as sexual abuse), or the friends and family members of those living with a certain condition. Relatively few support groups are open to just anyone. As mentioned, they are issue-specific. A good facilitator will put you at ease. Experienced facilitators expect newcomers to be nervous about attending a group. They’ll do their best to help ease your fears by welcoming you, ensuring you’re in the right group, and telling you what to expect. If the group is run by a therapist/counselor, she will often have a 20-30 minute phone conversation with you before the support group meeting to introduce herself and help ease and tensions you may be experiencing about attending the group. Support groups usually has some kind of structure. Typically, the group should have a clear agenda with four basic elements: the facilitator welcoming everyone, each participant given the opportunity to introduce themselves, a group discussion, and the facilitator formally announcing the end of the group meeting. 12-step support groups usually has reading material that is read at the beginning of every meeting. It is the same material each week and is usually read by a volunteer at the meeting. In a safe group, no one is ever "expected" to read the materials. There are usually clear guidelines. Rules and expectations are important to help everyone feel safe in the group. Anonymity is the number one rule. In a lot of support groups, individuals are addressed by their first name only. The secret or unknown identity of group members is to keep each individual safe. This is where this statement not only applies but is an absolutely must: "What is said here, stays here." If you run into a group member on the street and you (or they) are with anyone, it's not okay to mention your connection. In fact, you or they may just want to keep walking because you don't want to be in a position to discuss the group. It’s common for groups to enforce a time limit of 2-3 minutes per participant to prevent anyone monopolizing the conversation. My support groups last two hours, have a maximum of 10 members, and each individual has approximately10 minutes to share. It may seem like 10 minutes is not enough time to share everything, but you will be surprised to find out that most of the time that is more than enough time. Support groups often have a “pass rule” if someone doesn’t feel up to sharing. Group members should be reminded to be respectful and empathetic. There are times when an individual just doesn't feel like sharing and that is okay. The facilitator helps the group stay on track. Whether the facilitator is a professional or a layperson, you should expect them to be trained and capable. Capable facilitators know how to enforce boundaries and stick to the schedule while giving each participant a chance to speak. They are instrumental in pulling together common themes within the group to inspire the most productive discussions. Emergencies can and do come up during group time on occasion, and facilitators should know how to handle them appropriately. Overcoming the psychological obstacles to joining a support groupIt’s hard and emotionally draining to deal with serious issues, such as addiction, bereavement, burnout, depression, or another mental/emotional health issues. For some individuals, it’s even harder to ask for help and be willing to receive it. Half the battle of attending a support group is just getting through the door for the very first time. (It took me 2 years to go to an ACA meeting. (Adult Children of Alcoholics). Once I went, I sat in the back of the room each week for 5 weeks before I raised my hand when asked if there were any newcomers. I didn't want to tell anyone who I was or why I was there. The fear that I would have all of those eyes on me was overwhelming. My self-esteem was very low. I didn't speak or share for at least a month or two.) It’s common to feel nervous, frightened, or even ashamed. By joining a support group, it means you’re acknowledging and accepting the fact that the issue(s) you’re facing is real, you can no longer avoid dealing with it alone, and you need help. These can be hard things to accept, but there are ways to overcome the obstacles to taking that first step. These may help you: • Consider that you have nothing to lose by giving a support group a fair try. The people sitting on the other side of the door once felt the very same way you do. • You’ll likely make new friends who will be more sympathetic than some of your closest friends and family members are able to be about your current circumstances. • If you're afraid, do what I did, sit in the back of the room until you feel comfortable. If it is a therapist/counselor led group, pass on sharing, again, until you feel comfortable. Getting the most from a support groupThere are a few things you can do to get the most from joining a support group. Attend on a regular basis. You’ll get the most out of a support group if you attend regularly. It will help you get acquainted with other group members and increase your comfort level. Participate in sharing. Participating in a group keeps it flowing and everyone engaged. Other participants will look forward to hearing your updates and any words of wisdom you have to share with them about yourself or your situation. Be sensitive to others in the group. There’s always a chance that something could come up during the group that upsets you or rubs you the wrong way. Be cognizant that people who come to support groups are dealing with serious, sensitive, and emotionally-charged issues. If you can’t look past it, bring the issue to the facilitator’s attention, and give that person a chance to resolve it. Recognize when a group isn’t the right fit. A productive support group depends a lot on group dynamics. With different individuals joining and leaving an ongoing group, group dynamics can change. If things aren’t working out, you might consider switching to a different support group. But, if emotions come up, even anger, it might well be the perfect group for you. In a therapist/counselor run group, there is usually not changes in group participants. If one participant drops out, the therapist/counselor may ask the group's opinon on adding another individual. There may be a designated end-date, but it could be a group that continues indifinitely. Remember your reasons for joiningWhen you feel overwhelmed or over burdened and think things couldn’t possibly be worse, a support group can help you reframe your issues and view them in a more positive light. One of the best steps you can take toward feeling better is getting the courage to identify an appropriate support group and start attending. You’ll know you’ve taken the right step when you think you have something in common with other individuals in the group, and you have contributed something to them as well. Most importantly, you can call your experience a success when you leave the group thinking, “I feel better now than when I first arrived.”
Myth: Support groups don’t have any answers. Fact: While it’s true they’re not a magic bullet for all your problems, you will get some answers—and a lot of support while working through a tough or sensitive issue. You may discover that listening to someone else share may be the exact thing you need to hear.
Myth: I will be required to share my story. Fact: In most groups, you can choose to speak (or not) when you feel comfortable doing so.
Myth: Other participants may attack or criticize me. Fact: A well-run support group sets boundaries and requires participants to show empathy and respect to each other. There is usually no cross-talking, meaning, when you say something no one responds directly to what you’ve said. For instance, if I shared, “my husband has a habit of beating on me nearly every night,” no one responds with telling you what you should or should not have done, such as, “you need to get out of that relationship.” However, a support group member may say, “I remember when my husband was doing that to me. I took it much longer than I should have, and eventually I got out of the relationship. I am so happy I did.” See the "I" statements. The same will be true for you. If you hear something you want to respond to you relate what the person said to you. Another for instance may be, "I'm dealing with self-esteem issues and I'm not sure where to start." Your response may be something like, "I remember when I was dealing with self-esteem issues a few years ago. I had to go back to the beginning and start with why I had low self-esteem in the first place." In a safely-run group there are no "you" statments, attacking, shaming, suggesting, or giving advice. There is only listening and, if you want to respond, sharing using "I" statements.
Myth: I’ll feel even more depressed after attending a support group. Fact: The simple act of sharing what’s going on with you can be extremely cathartic. So, most individuals feel uplifted and encouraged after attending a support group. Often knowing there is someone else dealing with issues can be a positive experience. How to choose a Support Group that is best for youDepending on your needs, you may decide to join one of three types of support groups—a mutual support group, a 12-Step self-help group, or a therapy group. Just remember that whatever support group you choose, it’s not a substitute for medical care. Mutual support groupsMutual support groups are peer-led groups. Facilitators receive training, but they don’t give advice or act as professionals. Participants in a mutual support group can be individuals dealing with a certain condition or circumstance, whether it’s a medical issue, domestic abuse, grief, or a mood disorder. Other support groups are designed to provide support for family members or friends of someone who is living with a difficult situation, such as cancer, alcoholism, etc. Group members share what’s working for them, and they inspire others to do the same. There’s usually no cost for mutual support groups. 12-step self-help groups12-step programs are typically geared toward those with an addiction, such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, codependency, or sex. During group meetings, participants work through the 12 Steps to Recovery created by Alcoholics Anonymous. Like mutual support groups, 12-step self-help groups are peer-led, free, and frequently offer separate groups for the loved ones of those with the addiction, such as Al-Anon/Alateen for those living with an alcoholic. Therapy groupsUnlike mutual support groups and 12-step programs, mental/emotional health providers lead therapy groups. A psychologist or therapist brings several individuals together who are living with similar circumstances and provides a safe place for sharing and learning. These groups are available for a wide variety of mental/emotional health conditions, such as abuse, sexual abuse, incest or rape issues, codependency, hoarding, and many other circumstances or situations. What I like about these groups is that they are issue-specific. Everyone in the group will be dealing with the same or similar situation as you. There may be a cost for a therapy group. Online support groups (See Services Offered)Like online therapy, online support groups can be a useful and convenient option to in-person meetings. They are a great alternative, if the distance is too far, transportation isn’t available, or your work or family schedule prevents you from attending an in-person support group. Online support groups can also work well for those who are dealing with a rare condition where your peers may be spread out across a wide area. Benefits of support groupsA support group is a safe place where you can talk about your emotions and circumstances with others who know how you feel and won’t judge or criticize you. It can also help you to: - Learn better coping strategies. As you go through challenging circumstances, you may need to learn new ways to cope. At a support group, you will learn coping skills from people who’ve found success using them first-hand. You might learn tips on meditating, journaling, or things you wouldn’t have otherwise considered. You might also pick up new ways to set healthy boundaries and function better. - Grow through shared experiences. A support group gives you opportunities to get things off your chest. Sharing your own experiences with the group can help ease your emotional burden and feelings of isolation. As others in the group share their stories, you can gain valuable insight about how others deal with similar situations. - Focus on self-care. Support group participants may offer up innovative ideas for how to care for yourself, manage stress, combat fatigue, and feel mentally, emotionally and physically stronger. - Maintain a sense of hope. Being around your fellow support group members can help boost your mood and sense of optimism, giving you the emotional reserves to realistically envision a better future. What to expect from a support groupEvery support group functions a little differently, so it’s not always easy to tell if a particular group will be a good fit for you. But there are some things to look for when evaluating your choices: Support groups have clear rules about who can attend. Depending on the group, it could be limited only to a specific gender, adults over 18, individuals dealing with a specific challenge (such as sexual abuse), or the friends and family members of those living with a certain condition. Relatively few support groups are open to just anyone. As mentioned, they are issue-specific. A good facilitator will put you at ease. Experienced facilitators expect newcomers to be nervous about attending a group. They’ll do their best to help ease your fears by welcoming you, ensuring you’re in the right group, and telling you what to expect. If the group is run by a therapist/counselor, she will often have a 20-30 minute phone conversation with you before the support group meeting to introduce herself and help ease and tensions you may be experiencing about attending the group. Support groups usually has some kind of structure. Typically, the group should have a clear agenda with four basic elements: the facilitator welcoming everyone, each participant given the opportunity to introduce themselves, a group discussion, and the facilitator formally announcing the end of the group meeting. 12-step support groups usually has reading material that is read at the beginning of every meeting. It is the same material each week and is usually read by a volunteer at the meeting. In a safe group, no one is ever "expected" to read the materials. There are usually clear guidelines. Rules and expectations are important to help everyone feel safe in the group. Anonymity is the number one rule. In a lot of support groups, individuals are addressed by their first name only. The secret or unknown identity of group members is to keep each individual safe. This is where this statement not only applies but is an absolutely must: "What is said here, stays here." If you run into a group member on the street and you (or they) are with anyone, it's not okay to mention your connection. In fact, you or they may just want to keep walking because you don't want to be in a position to discuss the group. It’s common for groups to enforce a time limit of 2-3 minutes per participant to prevent anyone monopolizing the conversation. My support groups last two hours, have a maximum of 10 members, and each individual has approximately10 minutes to share. It may seem like 10 minutes is not enough time to share everything, but you will be surprised to find out that most of the time that is more than enough time. Support groups often have a “pass rule” if someone doesn’t feel up to sharing. Group members should be reminded to be respectful and empathetic. There are times when an individual just doesn't feel like sharing and that is okay. The facilitator helps the group stay on track. Whether the facilitator is a professional or a layperson, you should expect them to be trained and capable. Capable facilitators know how to enforce boundaries and stick to the schedule while giving each participant a chance to speak. They are instrumental in pulling together common themes within the group to inspire the most productive discussions. Emergencies can and do come up during group time on occasion, and facilitators should know how to handle them appropriately. Overcoming the psychological obstacles to joining a support groupIt’s hard and emotionally draining to deal with serious issues, such as addiction, bereavement, burnout, depression, or another mental/emotional health issues. For some individuals, it’s even harder to ask for help and be willing to receive it. Half the battle of attending a support group is just getting through the door for the very first time. (It took me 2 years to go to an ACA meeting. (Adult Children of Alcoholics). Once I went, I sat in the back of the room each week for 5 weeks before I raised my hand when asked if there were any newcomers. I didn't want to tell anyone who I was or why I was there. The fear that I would have all of those eyes on me was overwhelming. My self-esteem was very low. I didn't speak or share for at least a month or two.) It’s common to feel nervous, frightened, or even ashamed. By joining a support group, it means you’re acknowledging and accepting the fact that the issue(s) you’re facing is real, you can no longer avoid dealing with it alone, and you need help. These can be hard things to accept, but there are ways to overcome the obstacles to taking that first step. These may help you: • Consider that you have nothing to lose by giving a support group a fair try. The people sitting on the other side of the door once felt the very same way you do. • You’ll likely make new friends who will be more sympathetic than some of your closest friends and family members are able to be about your current circumstances. • If you're afraid, do what I did, sit in the back of the room until you feel comfortable. If it is a therapist/counselor led group, pass on sharing, again, until you feel comfortable. Getting the most from a support groupThere are a few things you can do to get the most from joining a support group. Attend on a regular basis. You’ll get the most out of a support group if you attend regularly. It will help you get acquainted with other group members and increase your comfort level. Participate in sharing. Participating in a group keeps it flowing and everyone engaged. Other participants will look forward to hearing your updates and any words of wisdom you have to share with them about yourself or your situation. Be sensitive to others in the group. There’s always a chance that something could come up during the group that upsets you or rubs you the wrong way. Be cognizant that people who come to support groups are dealing with serious, sensitive, and emotionally-charged issues. If you can’t look past it, bring the issue to the facilitator’s attention, and give that person a chance to resolve it. Recognize when a group isn’t the right fit. A productive support group depends a lot on group dynamics. With different individuals joining and leaving an ongoing group, group dynamics can change. If things aren’t working out, you might consider switching to a different support group. But, if emotions come up, even anger, it might well be the perfect group for you. In a therapist/counselor run group, there is usually not changes in group participants. If one participant drops out, the therapist/counselor may ask the group's opinon on adding another individual. There may be a designated end-date, but it could be a group that continues indifinitely. Remember your reasons for joiningWhen you feel overwhelmed or over burdened and think things couldn’t possibly be worse, a support group can help you reframe your issues and view them in a more positive light. One of the best steps you can take toward feeling better is getting the courage to identify an appropriate support group and start attending. You’ll know you’ve taken the right step when you think you have something in common with other individuals in the group, and you have contributed something to them as well. Most importantly, you can call your experience a success when you leave the group thinking, “I feel better now than when I first arrived.”