SELF-ESTEEM SCALE
This is the scale I use for most everything I teach. At first glance you should see where you are on the graph. You can NOT be on both sides of the scale at the same time, ever. You are either experiencing a life of joy and self-love and life couldn't be better or you find yourself feeling sad or depressed most of the time. When you look in the mirror you see someone you hate. You think about and may have even acted out self-destructive behaviors.
You can, however, be at a #1 or #2 on the left side, heading toward the right side. You may have even experienced going from the left side of the scale to the right side. That is wonderful. But don't beat yourself up if you're swimming in the joys of self-love, a crisis occurs, and you find yourself right back on the left side of the scale.
Also, be careful not to confuse feeling good for a day or two after a long bout of depression with being on the right side of the scale. It takes a period of time to go from feeling sadness and depression to feeling joy and happiness. (Unless you are grieving a loss. It is not only natural, but probable that you will feel depression during the grief process. It is one of the stages of grief.) Often times, when we dump a bout of sadness, usually through a good cry, joy follows. Believe me, if you are on the left side of the scale, another bout of sadness is likely to follow soon.
If you see yourself on the left side of the scale, you may need help and support from individuals in your life you trust. It's imperative that you know where you are on the scale in order to get the help you need.
An individual on the right side of the scale can most likely handle a given situation, maybe with sadness and grief, even anger, but they can handle it. Or any one of the situations mentioned above and a thousand others can throw the individual into turmoil that send them running to the left side of the scale.
There's the young woman who grew up in a wonderful family, graduated, went to college, married and has two children, a boy and a girl, a beautiful home and a beautiful life. She truly enjoyed positive self-esteem. The way her life was going you would swear she was clase to a +10 on the scale. But then she was in an accident and lost the ability to use her left arm. This led to long-term depression and self-hadred. Her self-esteem plummeted.
Then there was the young woman who had grown up in a very dysfunctional home with several siblings, all younger than herself. She took care of her siblings most of time because the various fathers of these children were absent and her alcoholic mother was gone most of the time, prostituting herself for money to pay for more alcohol. Even though she was intelligent and made good grades, she didn't get to graduate or have friends. She was far too busy taking care of whatever sibling was sick and couldn't go to school or was in trouble for one reason or another. At night she helped them with their homework.
All of their money came from welfare. She managed the household with only what her mother didn't take for alcohol and cigarettes.
One evening she had to run to the pharmacy to get medicine for one of the kids. On her way back she was attacked, dragged into an alley, and raped. The rapist smacked her around, raped her, and ran off. She managed to get herself up off the pavement, home, and to the bathroom where she cleaned up. She didn't want the younger kids to see the bruises that already started to form. She gave the medicine to her little brother who needed it, put him to bed, and went to bed herself.
The next morning, as difficult as it was, she got up and got the kids off to school. During the day she put ice on her bruises. She left the apartment and took a walk to see if she saw the guy who raped her. There he was, a few streets down, talking to her mother who she hadn't seen for several days. A few days later, she learned that her mother owed the guy money so he took it out on her instead. Saddened by what happened, but not bittler or spiteful, she was grateful he didn't hurt her worse than he had and went about her business.
Looking at her circumstances, you would have thought she was far down the left side of the scale. Poverty, neglect, being used by her mother, in a situation that looked pretty bleak, but she wasn't. This young woman knew who she was and was not, accepted her place in life, and was confident in her ability to care for here siblings. She wasn't sliding down the right side of the scale by any means, but she was on the right side. She did have low levels of self-esteem. When she was raped, she brushed herself off and kept going forward. For her, the rape was an unpleasant occurance, one that she could move past and get on with her her daily responsibilites.
How each individual handles their situation or circumstances and how it affects their self-esteem is as personal as the person themselves. continued