The cards you are dealt – It doesn’t matter what cards you have been dealt in life or whether you like it or not, everything does and can happen for a reason. It doesn’t matter whether you try to understand the reason, cry about it, or get angry with it. It is what it is and you cannot change it.  But you can change how you deal with it. Many of us on victims of circumstances, but we don't have to remail victims. 

Acceptance – Once you accept who you are and the life you have been given, then, and only then, can you move forward.  When you accept that what has happened has happened, when you decide to use your strength to better yourself, you will be one step closer to seeing positive changes and begin to lose the victim role and become someone who is in control of her life.

This is about you – In life, there is always someone to blame. But staying hooked on "the blame game" will contine being stuck and unable to move forward.  This also keeps you stuck in the victim role. As with acceptance, if you  want to move forward you have to give up blaming others for what has or is happening in your life. Your life is about you. You must look at your life through a kaleidoscope of color rather than a crystal ball that shows doom and gloom ahead.  Even if you don't have total control of your life right now, changing your thoughts has the ability to change your perspective of life.

Your thoughts – The one thing that can destroy us all in life are the intrusive and horrible thoughts that run fervently through our minds. Those questions and ideas that stop us from moving forward. Those thoughts that tell us that other people are horrible and nasty and unkind and to blame. The negative thoughts that can stop you in your tracks. Once you learn that this is YOUR mind, and that it is you that is in control of these thoughts, no one else, then you can overcome many challenges with ease. 

I teach a class on Barriers to Self-Esteem. In this class I help participants list their negative core beliefs that lead to negative thoughts that lead to negative behaviors. I share in that class that when I listed my own negative core beliefs, I had over hundred.  Can you imagine the negativity I had bottled up inside of me? 

In order to survive at a very young age of about 9-10 years old, I learned that if I had pleasant thoughts and kept those in my mind's eye when I was being abused or whipped with belt or standing in the corner for five or six hours as punishment for laughing in church, I could use those thoughts to help me get through unpleasant situations. Instead of crying when bad situations were occuring, I elaborated those thoughts into fantacies. Even though I often disassociated from my feelings at the moment, I was able to play the most beautiful videos in my mind that kept me sane.  Then I did my crying and feeling my anger when I was alone.  

Do not listen to other people – Overcoming challenges means not listening to the criticism of others either, unless it is constructive and will help you deal with challenges in effective ways. Many individuals can be cruel and will do anything to stop you from succeeding or moving from forward in your life. Even individuals you may think are your friends. Do not let them get into your mind and to control your thoughts. If what they are saying to you doesn't feel right, it probably isn't right for you. 

For instance, let's say you're having such difficulties in your marriage that you have decided to end the marriage. Even though your partner never physically abused you, there is constant yelling and verbal abuse and you are constantly be told that everything you think or talk about is wrong. You tried to make it work, but it's just not happening. Making a decision to end this relationship is the hardest thing you have ever had to do.  However, when you shared this decision with your best girlfriend, instead of being supportive,  she tried to convince you that you MUST stay in that relationship. You were starting to believe her and began thinking of more ways to accept the abuse, when something finally clicked.  At that moment, you realize that her reasoning for you needing to stay in this unhealthy environment is what she would do in this case. It wasn't about you at all. It was about her. 

No one's opinion should count unless 1) you asked for it, and 2) you know their response will be in your best interest. That still doesn't mean you have to abide by their opinion. It is THEIR opinion. If you dig a little deeper and trust yourself, you already know what you need to do. 

Moving forward –  Tell yourself over and over that you can do this, that life is good  and that your life will get better. See it, smell it,  and always move toward your goal or whatever you want to become. It may feel bad at times and it may seem like life has it in for you, but it really doesn’t. You may be or have been a victim of circumstances. That is unfortunate.  Look for the silver lining. For instance, will your circumstance make you a stronger person, will it teach you how to organize, will you learn how to take care of yourself.
 
As an orphan, living in a dysfunctional, abusive foster home, I can see all sorts of positive attributes I got from that situation. As a victim of circumstance, I am telling you the things that saved me. My sister, who lived in this foster home as well, committed suicide as a young woman. She never learned how not to be a victim.

Fight with everything you have – Whatever the cirumstance fight with everything you have. That doesn't mean get into physical fights. What is does mean is to fight with your thoughts and emotions.  That may mean fighting with yourself at times when you want to give up.  You can't let the circumstance win. 

Don’t live in fear – I always look at this as being, what is the worse that can happen. We might have some obstacles along the way but by being prepared for failure, while moving toward success. If you look at the obstacles and have a plan for getting through them you will never feel afraid. Even if the obstacle is totally unexpected, you will find that keeping your mind focused on your goals in life will not only allow you to overcome adversity but will make you feel good about overcoming those obstacles too.    

Have a "do it now" attitude – The more we think about certain things the more likely it is that we will put ourselves off or increase our levels of self doubt. It is like people who do bungee jumps. If you are going to do it, just jump.  Why scare yourself half to death for 10 minutes thinking about whether you will or won’t do it. Just get the hard things over and done with in life and save yourself the hassle and the pain you will go through by putting things off. 

Give! Give! Give! – Get out there and smile at people, give hugs, be friendly, be kind, give love and affection, if you can.  When you do that, you will find that others will often be there to help you overcome the challenges and obstacles in life. When you are genuinely kind to others, they will want to help you. It is our choice to be a happy person in life. You can’t buy it. You can’t give it. All you can do is choose to spread it around and if anyone wants to join in your happiness then they will.

I chose to do the the happy "thing" as a kid, especially in high school. I truly was happy at school. It was a reprieve from my home life and where I had friends, friends I loved dearly. I never told them what was going on at home. I was always afraid of my foster mother finding out I told family secrets and I would be taken back to the place I feared the most. So, I smiled and laughed a lot, used things I knew about other people to make my friends laugh or be astounded, and pretended my life was okay. 

There was only one time I did tell someone, which was the social worker that came to my school and then to our house every six months. I suggested to her that things were not quite okay. I even mentioned the whippings with dad's belt the three of us got on a regular basis. That definitely was not a smart thing to do, because she went right to my foster parents and told them what I said to her. What on earth do you think abusive foster parents are going to do after being told something that was to remain a secret. The neighbors didn't know. Their large extended family didn't know. Just us. And I told the one person who was at the top of the list of individuals not to know "business in our house".  Of course they told her I was a liar.  I definitely paid for that truth later.

Help others – Add value to other people’s lives, listen to them, have empathy for their situation, realize that they too can make mistakes, they can say and do the wrong things, be forgiving and don’t argue. Just add value to each others lives and help each other and big each other up as much as you possibly can.

Gratitude – This is a hard one sometimes because we do not feel grateful at times. When you feel like crap and you think the world has it in for you, it is hard to feel like this. When you do all the above however and have a plan and goals to achieve in life then you will find things to be grateful for. In my eyes if I am walking and talking then life is your oyster and we can always do something to change it.

Meaning in life – Find your meaning in life and stick with it. It doesn’t matter what it is just keep going on that path and know your worth in life and have a destiny and a place that you want to get to. Take control of your life and do everything you can to cheer yourself up and live your best life.

Improve – Learn to criticize yourself and get to know yourself. Know when you have done the wrong thing and correct it, learn lessons about yourself and proactively change your behaviors. This is a really hard thing to master but you always want to be a greater version of yourself. Their are billions of people on this planet all with different thoughts and feelings, so what seems sensible to you may not be to them. It is about learning how to work with different people but remain yourself, which means adapting and not changing who you are but how you approach certain things that will help you grow in life.

Have courage – Like don’t be scared, be courageous in life. Big yourself up and know your worth. Instill the confidence you need to look at these obstacles as being something you can easily deal with, even if you don’t know how to yet. But always be courageous along the way.

Coach or mentor – There are not many people who can bring out the best in people and when you really have to overcome adversity then the best thing you can do is get yourself a coach. A great coach will get to know you, develop you, make you stronger, make you greater, will give you confidence, will reward you, will recognize you and will be with you every step of the way. This does not have to be a paid coach, it could be a friend or family just someone that realizes the potential you have and can help smash diversity in the face.

Live healthy – Fitness is the one thing in life that will make you feel great about yourself. If you really want to find yourself in life then listen up. I was overweight when my last wife left me and I vowed that I would never go there again and lost 5 stone in 3 months. Since that day I put everything into training my body, I have never suffered from anxiety or depression again. I train 3 times a day and started off just by walking and now cycle, box and walk. The attributes fitness gives you to not give up will help you overcome adversity in any situation, because you have trained your mind to keep on going.

Principals to Overcoming Challenges