Importance of Having Best GirlFriends
This s a special topic for me to write about because I love having best girlfriends. During my elementary years, Kathy from acoss the road, was my best friend. We lived in the country, rode bikes together, hung out in my back yard where there was a swing set, a porch swing, large wooden lawn chairs and lots of trees to climb and get fruit. I could tell her most of things going on in my life, but not quite everything. Years later, she let me know the things she wasn't able to tell me as a kid. Those were secrets we had to keep to ourselves, but we shared everything else, good or bad.
In high school, there was Donna. She was best at confronting me on things I shouldn't be doing, which I definitely needed her to do. There was also Marie, Paulette, Carol, Stephenie, Candy, Beth, and Sue Ellen. They were my reason for wanting to go to school every day. They didn't know anything about my home life, but I knew all about their fun weekends, their boyfriends, and anything else they wanted to share in our circle of friends that we formed every morning before the bell rang and again at lunch time. I remember how I cried at graduation because I knew it wouldn't be the same. Two friends were getting married, two or three were going to college, and at least one would be moving away. At the time, I didn't know that "one" would be me.
I moved 1500 miles away with my son, who was five and a half at the time. There were no cellphones yet to text or make free calls, only paid long distance calling or by writing a letter. I couldn't afford long distance calls and didn't have the desire to write. So, I made new girlfriends. It took awhile since I was working two jobs and spent time with my son. Eventually, though, I met Melody and Paula about the same time.
Paula and I are very good friends and we meet for lunch once a month. I first met Paula in one of the classes I was teaching. We met for lunch one Saturday and saw that we enjoyed each ofther's company well enough to plan another lunch date. We became good friends after that. She visited me in California when I lived there and I stayed at her home in Texas several times.
Melody worked in the building where I taught those classes. She managed the front desk for this professional building and knew everyone who came in and out of that building. She was the one person who knew everyone in each business in the building and all of their professional (and personal) business. She was confidant to nearly everyone who passed by her desk, including me.
In addition to teaching classes I had a counseling practice in that same building. When I had some down time, I would often go downstairs and talk to Melody. It wasn't long before we became besties. Melody has been my best friend for 35 years. Even though we live in the same city, she lives about 30 miles south of downtown and I live about 30 miles north of downtown, and we both work, getting together physically is difficult. But we do have cellphones that allow us to continue sharing our lives with each other in this relationship we both love on a very regular basis.
I do have another very good friend whom I met while living in West Los Angeles for several years. Linda and I use to meet every Saturday at the Santa Monica Library, get books from their used book store, have lunch together, and then browse around the many vintage clothing stores in Santa Monica. We walked a lot and laughed a lot. Today we talk about once a month.
And I can't forget my sister-in-law, Sandy, who is also a friend. We connected again about ten years ago and have been talking to each other nearly every day. A few years after I moved to Texas, she moved to Arizona. Coming from the same smal town and being part of her family through marriage, her having a daughter and me having a son that are the same age, gives us lots to talk about.
Having girlfriends has always been important to me and this is what I've learned over the years.
I think spending time with your best girlfriends, whether in-person or virtually, is essential in maintaining your sanity and overall health, especially as you age and deal with mounting stress that comes with age. While a close-knit group of dependable friends is important to everyone’s wellbeing, girls and women in particular benefit from female friendships in a special way.
Beginning from their awkward teenage days until their twilight years, nurturing and sustaining power of female friendships immensely contribute to women’s overall health and happiness. Let's take a look at how. StressWhen women are stressed, they respond differently than men with a reaction called “tend and befriend.” This means women react to stressful situations by tending to those around them and seeking out social contact. When the hormone oxytocin (chemical messenger in the brain that influences social interactions) is released as part of stress responses in women, it encourages them to take care of their children and to befriend other women. These actions then pump more oxytocin, which further relieves stress and produces a calming effect.
As women respond to stress differently than men, they also connect with each other very differently. According to research, when women spend quality time together, they produce more serotonin — a neurotransmitter that helps fight depression and create a general feeling of wellbeing. While women are good about sharing feelings, men often form relationships by engaging in activities like sports, business, and hobbies. Men rarely talk about their feelings or personal lives with their buddy, but women will open their souls with their best girlfriends. LongevityHaving best girlfriends can prolong life. Spending time with friends appears to be a natural behavior for women that extends their life expectancy. Women, compared to men, more reliably turn to their social circle of femaile friends when experiencing stress, which has been noted to protect their health and longevity.
The fact that men are more likely to choose fight or flight responses when dealing with stress, while women go for tend and befriend, may help to explain the global gender gap in mortality.
DepressionFemale friendships can help women deal with depression at any age, but especially in senior years. Close female friendships offer more than just fun and games. They are vital to one’s physical and mental health, as isolation and loneliness greatly contribute to depression.While children and spouses may not understand the struggles that come with being older, your best girlfriends will. Whether that struggle is menopause or choosing between transitioning to a different career or going to into retirement, best girlfriends understand. Elements of a Best Friend Relationship I recognize that each of my relationships have the same elements that make it work well. TrustBeing able to have trust and confide in your girlfriend(s) is one of the most important requirements of a strong relationship because true friendship means you are able to count on one another. Part of caring for a friend is honoring what they tell you, no matter the significance, with confidentiality and respect. A true friend will never laugh or mock, but listen with open ears and offer advice, only if asked. An example of having a trustworthy friend is being able to talk to them about a personal issue you are facing, knowing that what is said will stay between the two of you and that they will not judge you or the circumstance. EqualityEquality is another super important ingredient in healthy friendships that often gets overlooked when one friend seems to have more say than the other. I think it's very important to be equally yoked, meaning having girlfriendships who have the same core values, and interests and are on the same wavelength more times than not. Opposites may attract, but those with the same likenesses usually stay together. CompassionHaving compassion and being empathetic and genuinely there for your girlfriends on a daily basis and during times of need is very important because having girlfriends that you can count on to be there for you helps you get through those times. An example of what a compassionate friend could look like is if your spouce died and your girlfriend(s) came to your side to listen to how you felt in that moment of grief for as long as you needed them. In this scenario, the girlfriend was compassionate by being present and listening to your situation and supportive by being there for you. HonestyHonesty is a requirement for a strong and successful friendship because, at the end of the day, individuals usually will be more hurt when the truth is concealed than by the truth itself, whatever it may be. Whether it is lying about a simple thing like whether or not you like your friend’s outfit, or something more significant like seeing her boyfriend/husband flirt with another woman, being dishonest eats away at the foundation of a healthy friendship. Even though being honest may mean having more difficult conversations with your girlfriend, it will make for a stronger and better friendship. IndependenceIn successful friendships, it is always important to be independent of your girlfriend and allow her to have her personal space as well. It is never healthy to always need the company of your friend and their constant attention. You should both have other girlfriends and hobbies besides each other. Getting upset when you are not your friend’s “only friend” is a sign that independence is needed. I have four girlfriends that I actively communicate with on a regular basis right now. If I were to put them all in a room together I think they would get along with each other very well. Each one of my girlfriends hear me talk about my other girlfriends when something is going on that is appropriate to share. I hear about their other girlfriends as well. In fact, if one of my girlfriends is having something going on for which I have no solution, I will present the situation to one of my other girlfriends, usually speaking anonymusly about who is having the problem, and search for solutions. It's often very helpful and I am very grateful. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without my girlfriends. ConclusionIf you and your girlfriend(s) have trust, equality, compassion, honesty, and independence, you already have the foundation of a strong and healthy friendship. Even though it can be hard to recognize when a friendship is weak in some areas, it is always possible to improve yourself and your relationship with a friend. All you need is a willingness to do and be better.
Beginning from their awkward teenage days until their twilight years, nurturing and sustaining power of female friendships immensely contribute to women’s overall health and happiness. Let's take a look at how. StressWhen women are stressed, they respond differently than men with a reaction called “tend and befriend.” This means women react to stressful situations by tending to those around them and seeking out social contact. When the hormone oxytocin (chemical messenger in the brain that influences social interactions) is released as part of stress responses in women, it encourages them to take care of their children and to befriend other women. These actions then pump more oxytocin, which further relieves stress and produces a calming effect.
As women respond to stress differently than men, they also connect with each other very differently. According to research, when women spend quality time together, they produce more serotonin — a neurotransmitter that helps fight depression and create a general feeling of wellbeing. While women are good about sharing feelings, men often form relationships by engaging in activities like sports, business, and hobbies. Men rarely talk about their feelings or personal lives with their buddy, but women will open their souls with their best girlfriends. LongevityHaving best girlfriends can prolong life. Spending time with friends appears to be a natural behavior for women that extends their life expectancy. Women, compared to men, more reliably turn to their social circle of femaile friends when experiencing stress, which has been noted to protect their health and longevity.
The fact that men are more likely to choose fight or flight responses when dealing with stress, while women go for tend and befriend, may help to explain the global gender gap in mortality.
DepressionFemale friendships can help women deal with depression at any age, but especially in senior years. Close female friendships offer more than just fun and games. They are vital to one’s physical and mental health, as isolation and loneliness greatly contribute to depression.While children and spouses may not understand the struggles that come with being older, your best girlfriends will. Whether that struggle is menopause or choosing between transitioning to a different career or going to into retirement, best girlfriends understand. Elements of a Best Friend Relationship I recognize that each of my relationships have the same elements that make it work well. TrustBeing able to have trust and confide in your girlfriend(s) is one of the most important requirements of a strong relationship because true friendship means you are able to count on one another. Part of caring for a friend is honoring what they tell you, no matter the significance, with confidentiality and respect. A true friend will never laugh or mock, but listen with open ears and offer advice, only if asked. An example of having a trustworthy friend is being able to talk to them about a personal issue you are facing, knowing that what is said will stay between the two of you and that they will not judge you or the circumstance. EqualityEquality is another super important ingredient in healthy friendships that often gets overlooked when one friend seems to have more say than the other. I think it's very important to be equally yoked, meaning having girlfriendships who have the same core values, and interests and are on the same wavelength more times than not. Opposites may attract, but those with the same likenesses usually stay together. CompassionHaving compassion and being empathetic and genuinely there for your girlfriends on a daily basis and during times of need is very important because having girlfriends that you can count on to be there for you helps you get through those times. An example of what a compassionate friend could look like is if your spouce died and your girlfriend(s) came to your side to listen to how you felt in that moment of grief for as long as you needed them. In this scenario, the girlfriend was compassionate by being present and listening to your situation and supportive by being there for you. HonestyHonesty is a requirement for a strong and successful friendship because, at the end of the day, individuals usually will be more hurt when the truth is concealed than by the truth itself, whatever it may be. Whether it is lying about a simple thing like whether or not you like your friend’s outfit, or something more significant like seeing her boyfriend/husband flirt with another woman, being dishonest eats away at the foundation of a healthy friendship. Even though being honest may mean having more difficult conversations with your girlfriend, it will make for a stronger and better friendship. IndependenceIn successful friendships, it is always important to be independent of your girlfriend and allow her to have her personal space as well. It is never healthy to always need the company of your friend and their constant attention. You should both have other girlfriends and hobbies besides each other. Getting upset when you are not your friend’s “only friend” is a sign that independence is needed. I have four girlfriends that I actively communicate with on a regular basis right now. If I were to put them all in a room together I think they would get along with each other very well. Each one of my girlfriends hear me talk about my other girlfriends when something is going on that is appropriate to share. I hear about their other girlfriends as well. In fact, if one of my girlfriends is having something going on for which I have no solution, I will present the situation to one of my other girlfriends, usually speaking anonymusly about who is having the problem, and search for solutions. It's often very helpful and I am very grateful. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without my girlfriends. ConclusionIf you and your girlfriend(s) have trust, equality, compassion, honesty, and independence, you already have the foundation of a strong and healthy friendship. Even though it can be hard to recognize when a friendship is weak in some areas, it is always possible to improve yourself and your relationship with a friend. All you need is a willingness to do and be better.