Alone or Lonely
About loneliness.....
Many of us feel lonely from time to time. Feelings of loneliness are personal, so everyone's experience is different.
Some individuals describe loneliness as the feeling they have when their need for social contact and relationships isn’t met. But loneliness isn’t the same as being alone. You may feel content without much contact with other people. But other individuals may find this a lonely experience.
Some individuals may only feel lonely at certain times. But some individuals may experience chronic loneliness. This is a deep feeling of loneliness that goes on for a long time. You may be around other individuals and still feel like you’re alone.
Some individuals might think that you need to live alone to feel lonely. Or that being lonely means not having many friends or family around you. But you can have lots of social contact and support and still feel lonely. Especially if you don't feel understood or cared for by the people around you.
Is loneliness a mental health problem?
Feeling lonely isn't a mental health problem. But having a mental health problem can increase feelings of loneliness. For example, if you’re struggling with your mental health, you may:
Avoid social events and activities you usually enjoy
Have low self-esteem
Find it hard to try new things and worry about engaging with others
Find it difficult to speak to people about how you’re feeling, for fear of stigma or not being understood
Feel like you could be a burden to others
Feel overwhelmed in busy public places, or at work events and parties
You may want to be able to interact with other individuals and make new connections, but your anxiety feels like an invisible barrier that you can't break through.
Feeling lonely can have a negative impact on your mental health, especially if you've felt lonely for a long time. Some research suggests that loneliness can increase stress. It's also associated with an increased risk of certain mental health problems. For example, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and sleep problems. Your anxiety and depression may isolates you from people and stop you from being able to do the things you would like to do. So socially it cuts you off.
What causes loneliness?
Loneliness has many different causes. These vary from person to person. We don't always understand what it is about an experience that makes us feel lonely.
Certain life events or experiences may make you feel lonely, such as:
Experiencing a bereavement
Going through a relationship break-up
Retirement
Changing jobs
Starting at university
Experiencing mental health problems
Becoming a parent
Moving to a new area or country without family, friends or community networks
You may feel lonely at certain times of the year. For example, around holidays like Christmas, Ramadan or Valentine's day.
Research suggests that some people are more vulnerable to loneliness than others. For example, if you:
Have no friends or family
Are estranged from your family
Are a single parent or care for someone else, and find it hard to maintain a social life
Belong to minority group and live in an area where there aren't many people with a similar background to you
Are excluded from social activities because of mobility problems
Don't have much money for certain social activities
Are shielding because you're at risk of serious illness from COVID-19 or other conditions
Experience discrimination and stigma because of a disability or long-term health problem. For example, mental health problems
Experience discrimination and stigma because of your gender, race or your gender or sexual identity
Have experienced sexual or physical abuse, which may mean you find it harder to form close relationships with other people
When I suffered from anorexia it fed into so many areas of life. It was all-consuming. One of those areas was loneliness. It was something that I felt for such a long time.
Loneliness and money
Many of us are struggling with money right now. This may have an impact on how often we can see other people. This can affect our wellbeing and how lonely we feel.
If you can’t afford the things you need, help is out there. Visit our pages on money and mental health to find out more about what support might be available to you.
Intimate
Loneliness is an "unpleasant or inadmissible" lack of certain relationships in your life. Essentially, you can be surrounded by friends but still feel lonely because you aren't emotionally intimate with any of them.
If you don't feel the same loss from not having close relationships it's not necessarily a problem. In fact, some are in favor of being a loner. For some individuals, solitude is necessary for mental health and creativity.
Crucially, loner or lonely, problems start when both become extreme. Most of us experience loneliness at some time, but what makes it harmful is when it settles in long enough to create a persistent, self-reinforcing loop of negative thoughts, sensations and behaviors.
Problems start for a loner when they isolate themselves too much.
If you don't feel the same loss from not having close relationships it's not necessarily a problem. In fact, some are in favor of being a loner. For some individuals, solitude is necessary for mental health and creativity.
Crucially, loner or lonely, problems start when both become extreme. Most of us experience loneliness at some time, but what makes it harmful is when it settles in long enough to create a persistent, self-reinforcing loop of negative thoughts, sensations and behaviors.
Problems start for a loner when they isolate themselves too much.
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